EMF Protection: Real or Nonsense?

Let’s be real—if you’ve ever seen someone wearing a pendant that looks like it came from a steampunk flea market and said it “neutralizes 5G,” you’ve probably rolled your eyes. But then again… you did click on this article. So let’s unpack it.

📡 What Even Is EMF?

Electromagnetic Fields (EMFs) are invisible energy waves emitted by phones, Wi-Fi routers, microwaves, and every other little miracle of modern life. They’re everywhere, and most scientists agree they’re safe… mostly. But there’s still enough ambiguity to make your spine tingle if you stare at your modem too long.

And so—enter the crystals.

🧿 The Alleged Defenders

Shungite is the poster child for EMF protection. Often sourced from a single region in Russia, it contains something called fullerenes—carbon molecules that might absorb EMF radiation.

Black Tourmaline also makes the list. It’s said to convert negative energy into usable frequency, or at least keep your brain from “buzzing.”

There’s also Hematite, Pyrite, and even Fluorite being toted as pocket-sized Wi-Fi warriors.

🧪 The Science (or Lack Thereof)

There is no clinical consensus that crystals can block EMFs. But also—there’s very little study on it at all. Most testing focuses on shielding materials like lead, copper mesh, or that weird tent your one friend sleeps in.

But then again, most studies also don’t account for energetic shifts, inner alignment, or how your cat suddenly hates your bedroom since you installed smart bulbs.

💼 Real People, Real Uses

One woman we spoke to runs her entire freelance business from a laptop, but keeps a Shungite pyramid next to her keyboard. “I don’t know if it works,” she said. “But it looks like a tiny weapon, and my Wi-Fi hasn’t betrayed me yet.”

An HVAC technician told us he once removed “a ridiculous amount of black stones” from a server room. “They were hot to the touch,” he said. “Like they’d been absorbing something.”

Interestingly, he used to do work for a company in Kansas that once tried combining ion flow sensors with obsidian dust in their ductwork. “Didn’t help the air quality,” he said. “But nobody yelled as much that week.”

🧘‍♂️ So… Should You Try It?

Look—if you think your phone is frying your aura, toss a Tourmaline on your desk. If nothing else, it might remind you to turn it off once in a while.

Sometimes, believing you're protected is the first step to actually feeling it.

Just don’t put quartz on your router. That’s how you fry a crystal. And possibly your upload speeds.